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The best humor! Idiot and fool jokes and funny stories.

Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing.

"File the beak just a little," said the owner, "and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die."

Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary.

"He died," said Calvin.

"But I told you not to file the beak too much."

"I didn't," explained Calvin, "but by the time I got him out of the vise, he was already dead."

Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house.

"How much you gonna charge me?" asked Guidry.

"Twenty dollars an hour," replied Plotke.

"Good Lord!" exclaimed the home owner. "I wouldn't pay Michelangelo that price!"

"I tell you one thing, mister," said the painter. "If that guy you mentioned is doin' the job for less, he ain't no member of our union!"

Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school?

Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second. Delmer: Why didn't you stay?

Parley: I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program, 'Two Years Later.'

Edney and Cole, two Ohio Edison electrical repairmen, were working on a blown house circuit.

"Hey, Cole!" said Edney. "See those two wires?"

"Sure," Cole answered.

"Now just grab one of them."

Cole grabbed one of the wires.

"Feel anything?" asked his partner.

"Not a thing," answered Cole.

"Good!" said Edney. "Don't touch the other one or you'll drop dead!"

Duayne met Patricia Ann from Birmingham at a Tus-caloosa ballroom.

They danced every dance together. When the evening was over, he asked if he could see her next time he was in town.

"Yes," replied Patricia Ann shyly.

The young man hurriedly took out his pad and pencil and asked, "What's your number?"

"CApitol 4-6173."

After a long embarrassed pause, Duayne asked, "How do yew make a capital 4?"