AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Idiot and fool jokes and funny stories.

Rigby drove into the city with his girl to catch their first play at a theater.

Rigby rushed up to the box office and said, "Gimme two tickets for tonight's show."

"Sorry," said the box office attendant. "There are no seats left. We have only two standing rooms left."

"Well, I'll be hog tied! Only two left in standing room!" said the farm boy. "Are they together?"

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.

The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, "Have your eyes ever been checked?"

"No," said the worker. "They've always been brown."

Chaffee could talk on any subject whether he knew anything about it or not. Mostly he didn't. One day his neighbor Nibley could stand no more.

"Do you realize," asked Nibley, "that you and I know all there is to be known?"

"Do you really think so?" said Chaffee. "How do you figure that?"

"Easy," answered Nibley. "You know everything except that you're a damn idiot. And I know that!"

Wyatt, Milford and Calhoun were standing one on top of the other trying to measure a flag pole.

A man passing by yelled up to them, "Why don't you guys just take down the pole, lay it down on the ground and measure it?"

"We don't wanna measure the length, mister!" Wyatt sneered. "We wanna measure the height!"

Shingles were loose on Pennock's roof, and he complained about leaks to Barton, his neighbor.

"Why don't you mend the roof?" asked Barton.

"I can't today," Pennock replied. "It's pouring rain."

"Well, why don't you patch it in dry weather."

"It don't leak then!"